


just throw me overboard

by angel_bubbles



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Akashi Masaomi's A+ Parenting, Attempt at Humor, Biracial Character, I wrote this in like an hour, Multi, akashi gets manhandled by everyone, akashi is indignant, akashi's a screamer, and aomine is half black, and he wants to go home, aomine is also a badass, black lagoon au, does this count as a gang au, everyone is a badass, fight me, i dont know honestly, i guess, kuroko can hold liquor like nobody's business, kuroko is a badass, kuroko is half chinese, lots of short jokes, so is Kagami - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-15 12:30:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11806041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_bubbles/pseuds/angel_bubbles
Summary: Akashi is well aware of Murphy's Law that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but...being held hostage by a group of supposed pirates is a bit excessive.--"Don't you know? The Akashi family is ridiculously rich. This job will only pay about 20,000. If we send a ransom, we'll get paid better.""Neat! So how are we going to send it?"..."I did not think that far ahead."





	1. is this really how you treat hostages?

**Author's Note:**

> the black lagoon au nobody asked for

Akashi's job had been pretty simple in theory. He was given a 'top-secret' disc and told to transfer it to his company's Chinese affiliates. It started out fine-he boarded the cargo ship with the disc in hand, chatted with the guards, played some shogi...nothing really out of the ordinary.

That is, until the ship was attacked.

Even with the guards' supposed high level competence, it didn't take long for the suspected pirates to make their way on board and take everyone hostage. It was almost laughably easy.

He would probably be laughing himself if it weren't for the foot on his chest and the gun at his head.

The brute with the gun rolls his eyes, and Akashi feels his eyebrow twitch. The guy looks bored out of his mind, like it's a chore to be lifting two of his four limbs. He feels his metaphorical feathers rustle-he should be a little more into his job. 

He shakes his head. What the hell? This guy is holding him _hostage_ , why is he critiquing his work ethic? 

"So where's that stupid disc thing anyway? You're the one who's supposed to have it."

Ah. So that's what they're here for.

"Why would I tell you?"

His captor rolls his eyes. "Because if you don't we're going to shoot all of you and search your bodies. Duh."

Seriously, how on _earth_ does someone look so bored during a _raid_? Akashi decides that he doesn't like this person.

"I think I found it, Aomine." 

The brute turns, and Akashi begrudgingly puts a name to his face. He looks in the same direction, and sees his companion holding the disc between two fingers. Akashi raises an eyebrow; The kid looks almost fresh out of puberty. What is he doing raiding a ship for top secret information? He wonders if the Aomine person is holding him hostage, too.

"Oh. Nice, Tetsu. You sure you're not a bloodhound?"

"I am not a dog."

Aomine hums and turns back to Akashi. "So can we leave now?"

The one called Tetsu strides over to them, and Akashi can't help but admire how his footsteps don't make any noise. He looks over him in scrutiny, and nods toward Aomine. "Yes, but we're taking him with us."

What.

"What?"

Tetsu looks away from Akashi to the ship guards. "You are all free to go. If we're followed, well...I hope your families can pay for funeral expenses."

The guards all flinch, and Aomine takes his foot off his chest. Akashi breathes as deep as he can before he's hoisted up by the back of his shirt and thrown overboard onto another, much smaller boat. Aomine and Tetsu soon join him on it, and he feels a gun at his back as they speed away. As the cargo ship gets further and further away, Akashi sighs.

_If I make it back to Japan alive, I'm quitting._

Tetsu plops down onto the deck and rests against some-probably stolen-boxes. "You can take the gun off his back, Aomine."

The barrel is removed from his spine, to which Akashi is overwhelmingly grateful. He stretches out, wincing as he feels a few pops. Aomine groans.

"So why exactly are we taking this shrimp with us?"

Akashi stiffens and throws a nasty look over his shoulder. Aomine sticks his tongue out at him.

"Don't you know? The Akashi family is ridiculously rich. This job will only pay about 20,000. If we send a ransom, we'll get paid better."

Someone else's voice calls out from the side. The boat's driver, Akashi supposes. "Neat! So how are we going to send it?"

There's a pause.

"I did not think that far ahead."

A collective groan follows Tetsu's admission. He doesn't even look sheepish. 

"Kuroko, you're supposed to be the smart one. If you don't think about things who else is going to? Idiot Aomine?"

"Fuck off, dumbass Kagami."

"You have a point."

"Tetsu, you dick!"

Akashi lets his gaze drift between the three with a growing sense of dread. He's in these people's care. These people who are squabbling about who's the stupidest out of the three of them. He buries his face in his hands. 

_God, just kill me now._

"Well, if we can't send a ransom we could always just kill him."

Akashi looks up, horrified as Aomine and Kagami nod solemnly. 

"You can't be serious. You've taken me all the way out here with you and you're just going to kill me?"

Tetsu-Kuroko?-blinks his owlish eyes at him. "If you say it like that it sounds like a waste of time."

"It _is_ a waste of time. Sending a ransom isn't that hard, you just have to contact the right person-that person in this case being my father."

Kuroko looks at him consideringly. At least, Akashi thinks he's considering something. It's really hard to tell with that top-notch poker face he's got. He guesses he was right, because he sees a nod.

"That is pretty simple. Kagami, can you try and call up Akashi Masaomi?"

"No signal. We'll have to wait a while."

Kuroko nods, and stands to stretch. He doesn't even spare Akashi a glance as he walks over to the hatch, opens it up and slips inside. Aomine nudges his side.

"Hey, shrimpy. Don't worry about this mess. We'll get you back to where you came from in no time."

"I appreciate the sentiment but I don't much care for that nickname. Please call me Akashi."

Aomine stares at him. 

"I like shrimpy better."

_I want to go home._

~~

Akashi is jolted awake by someone stepping in front of his face, hard. He shoots up and looks around frantically until his eyes land on Aomine standing above him. 

"You coming with us? We're going somewhere for drinks."

He doesn't give Akashi any time to answer. He's already jumped off the side onto a dock by the time Akashi processes what he said. Kagami emerges from the hatch, following the same path as Aomine. He jumps onto the dock too, and turns to Akashi as he's walking.

"Staying here or coming with?"

"Huh?" is Akashi's eloquent reply. "Aren't I a hostage?"

Kagami turns away and keeps walking. Akashi scurries onto his feet and gently steps over the railing. 

"Wait, I'm coming, don't leave me by myself!"

~~

Akashi thinks it was probably a better idea to just stay on the boat. This place is dirty, and full of criminals of all types. A group of prostitutes here, a gaggle of druggies there. There's a fight every two minutes and he's starting to get antsy. And he's not even going to mention their extremely questionable liquor supply. What kind of pub carries _that_ much Absinthe?

He sincerely hopes all of China's pubs aren't like this one.

"So..." he turns toward Aomine. "What exactly is this place?"

Aomine takes a long drink of whatever his cup's filled with. Akashi is almost certain it isn't what the bottle calls it.

"It's a big pile of shit is what it is. Criminals of all sorts gather here to duke it out with each other. Murderers, rapists, kidnappers, thieves-you name it, they're here. We come here 'cause we don't stand out when we're next to their brand of fuckery."

Akashi looks around warily. "And these people are just allowed to be here, no questions asked?"

"This isn't a good place, shrimpy. Everybody here is into the same kind of shit. This is the norm here."

"I see..."

Aomine stands, and his stool squeaks as he kicks it away. "I've gotta go call someone."

Akashi nods, and watches him disappear into the back of the pub. He hears a laugh beside him, and he turns to face Kagami.

"Aomine's a pretty dumb guy, but he's pretty street smart when he has to be. He and I might be on the same level of stupidity, but he's definitely the weirdest out of us."

"Is that so."

"Mmhm." 

He turns back to his empty glass with a frown. He feels a poke at his shoulder, and turns to the opposite side as before to face Kuroko. He's holding a bottle without a label, and he's pouring quite a lot into his glass. He doesn't have time to protest as he pulls over his glass as well, filling it up just the same as his own. He pushes it toward Akashi, who stares at the bottle warily.

"In my opinion, beer isn't much different from muddy water. Rum is definitely the way to go." 

Akashi watches in half-horror, half-amazement as Kuroko picks up the glass and chugs it all at once. He doesn't even look fazed as he sets it down gently in front of him and fills it up again. He faces Akashi with a certain glint in his eyes.

"I would challenge you to drink with me, but somehow I doubt you're prepared to."

Akashi's eyebrow twitches.

"Maybe it's the fact you're still wearing that business suit, or maybe it's the fact that you make a face every time Aomine swears, but you just don't look like the type to be able to keep up."

Akashi loosens his tie.

"But it's fine. If you can't handle this, I'll just decorate you with some pretty ribbons and take you out for square dancing."

Kuroko blinks as Akashi picks up his glass and chugs it. A tiny smirk appears on his face when Akashi is visibly forcing down the burn. Red eyes turn to him with their own glint.

"I'm a businessman, Kuroko. We're forced to drink all through college and during almost all social events. I've had plenty of practice, so don't underestimate me so easily."

Kuroko's smirk widens and he rises to his feet. Akashi follows suit.

"Alright, you asked for it. Bartender! Bring over every single bottle of rum you've got left!"

~~

When Aomine returns from the back, he's greeted with the sight of Tetsu and the shrimp aggressively trying to out-drink each other, with a crowd surrounding them in awe. Kagami looks like he's about to die of laughter, and the bartender looks rueful at the loss of his rum supply. 

What the hell.

He's about to step out and confront the group when he notices something roll in from the front door. It takes a second for him to tell what it is, and when he does, he immediately ducks behind the wall again. He sees Tetsu spot them as well, grabbing Akashi by the arm before the whole place is filled with fire as the explosives detonate.

With his vision clouded with smoke, all he can see is the flash of gunfire in the main area and the screams of various patrons. He plugs his ears to preserve his hearing, but he vaguely makes out the bartender asking Tetsu if he knows the newcomers. He presses a button on his comm.

"Tetsu, you good?"

"Fantastic," is the sarcastic, static-y reply.

"Dumbass Kagami?"

"Asshole."

"How about shrimpy?"

"He's fine. Babbling like an idiot, but he's fine."

"Good enough."

Aomine pulls out his pistol from its holster and cocks it. He looks over the edge of the wall with caution, mindful of the gunfire. He presses the button again.

"Tetsu, don't you think now's a good time to rip these dipshits a new one?"

He doesn't get a response, but he doesn't really need one, either. The gunfire stops, and the leader of the pack of morons starts shouting about hearing voices. He starts spouting one-liners that make Aomine roll his eyes with how obviously well-practiced they are. The guy's a bigger idiot than Kagami, and he watches with unbridled glee as Tetsu jumps the bar and starts emptying his magazines into the lot of them. 

No matter how many times he sees it, it's always hilarious seeing their enemies look around for the sniper, not knowing that their assailant is right in front of them. They start firing off shots randomly when they can't find Tetsu, and Aomine pulls up his pistol and starts shooting at them himself. He leans over the edge of the wall, still firing.

"Shrimpy, can ya hear me?"

"For god's sake you great brute, stop calling me that!"

"Sorry, Your Majesty. Look, you weren't even supposed to be here, so why don't we just leave you here now? I'm sure you'll be able to survive a couple of days at least."

"What? No! You're taking me with you, damn it!"

"Suit yourself, but don't slow us down. Tetsu! We're heading out! You too, dumbass Kagami!"

"Of course."

Aomine runs out the back door. Tetsu follows him close behind, running backwards and shooting out into the main area until the distance is too great. Kagami comes last, carrying Akashi under his arm with zero finesse. Aomine gestures to a well-used but spacious car next to the road. Tetsu crawls into the back, reloading his pistols, and Kagami all but tosses Akashi in next to him. Aomine gets in front and Kagami settles into the driver's seat. They speed away, and Aomine stifles a laugh when Akashi falls onto the floor with a dull thud.

"Well. Wasn't that fun?"

Akashi grumbles and crawls back up to his seat. "Absolutely not. Why do you all insist on treating me like a ragdoll?"

"Special shorty treatment," Kagami shrugs. "Can't expect you to run too fast with your little baby legs."

"I do _not_ have baby legs. I'm not even that short!"

"Sounds like something a shorty would say."

Akashi rolls his eyes and presses his palms into his forehead. Tetsu glances at him.

"You should probably get used to that sort of thing. There's going to be more where that came from until we get our ransom."

A long, drawn-out groan is the answer he gets. Aomine laughs. 

"By the way, who won that contest?"

"Technically neither of us, however, Akashi appears to be much drunker than I am."

"I am _not_. Akashi _never_ lose."

Kuroko blinks. "You sounded a bit like my late grandmother. May I call you baa-san?"

"Absolutely not."

"Baa-kashi-san?"

"No."

"Akabaa-san?"

"..."

_I really want to go home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> akashi was definitely drunker than kuroko


	2. frankly i would rather be in the ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah the chapter title is a pun im sorry
> 
> side note kuroko plays the part of revy so the whole time i was writing this i had the image of him dressed in short shorts and a crop top in my head

The car speeds down through hidden pathways and back roads. Akashi wonders for a while if there's a base somewhere around here they're getting to, but upon closer inspection it becomes obvious that they're driving back to the dock-they're just taking a detour from the main roads so as not to be tracked. He settles himself down in his seat, holding on to the door to keep upright.

"So...are you going to tell me who those guys were?"

Kuroko shrugs. He leans back in his seat and kicks his feet up on the back of Kagami's. "No idea. It's entirely possible that they had no affiliations with anyone, though. It's not really an unusual occurrance."

"Aren't you curious at all?"

"Not really. Putting names to faces tends to have adverse consequences."

Akashi sighs. "I see."

As trees and bushes fly past outside his window, it suddenly occurs to him that he should be feeling drunker than he is. He looks toward Kuroko and raises an eyebrow. 

"Adrenaline. Sobers you up in a snap. Don't worry, you'll feel drunk again when your heart rate calms down."

"I'm not drunk..."

"Sure you're not."

Akashi all but pouts and turns back to the window. It looks like it'll be a while before they get back to the dock since they're circling around the place, so he rests his head on the cushioned section of the door. It's not comfortable and his brain vibrates with the wheels, but it's the best he's going to get. He vaguely hears the trio chattering as he drifts off.

~~

When he wakes, he's back in the main cabin of the boat. Aomine is in the driver's seat this time, with a few cans of beer scattered about and a couple gravure posters haphazardly plastered on the hull. Akashi fights the urge to make a noise of disgust. 

He stretches, and it suddenly becomes very clear to him that he has a massive headache. He curls up into the fetal position and groans, long and drawn-out. It feels like his brain is about the burst through his skull. He makes a mental note to never let Kuroko rile him up again.

Something hard hits him in the head, and he hisses like a cat and shoots up, ignoring the pounding in his head. 

"What the hell was that for!"

"Figured you probably needed some pain meds," is the bland reply. 

Aomine gestures with his thumb, and Akashi follows his line of sight to a bottle resting on the floor. He picks it up, noting with some relief that it does indeed have a label. He doesn't think the crew would poison him to kill him, but he's unsure if they'd poison him for fun. 

They're pretty sadistic.

"There was no need to throw it at my head, though..." he grumbles. He gulps them down dry, and winces at the sensation. "Any water around here?"

"Loads of it outside."

Akashi throws him a look. 

"Kidding. There's some in the back."

"Not saltwater?"

An eyeroll.

"Not saltwater."

Akashi scrounges through the back end of the cabin and true to Aomine's word, he finds a few bottles of fresh water. He drinks down an entire bottle at once, relishing in the feeling of actually having moisture in his body. He starts on a second one and sits back down on the floor with it.

"Oh, figured I should tell ya. Tetsu and the dumbass are getting into contact with Daddy Dearest right now. But I gotta say..." Aomine looks over at him, tipping his Aviators down. "If things don't go well we're gonna have to dump you somewhere on your own. We can't afford to keep you around. Nothing personal, just we can't harbor someone for no reason. Don't worry though, you seem pretty adaptable. I'm sure you'll live for a couple days."

Akashi stares at him point-blank, and a glare crosses his features.

"So you're going to just throw me off and leave me to die? You take me from _my_ home, use me to barter for your own personal gain, drag me through goddamn hell on earth, and you're going to end all that but dropping me somewhere and leaving me there?" He stands and takes a few steps forward. "The _very least_ you could do is take me back ho-"

His tirade is interrupted by a sharp kick to his side. He falls to the ground, groaning and unsure of whether his side, his heart, or his head hurts the most. He glares upward and sees Kuroko putting his foot down, quite literally.

"Now look. We don't owe you anything. First you practically beg us to take you with us, and now you're trying to use us as a taxi service? I'm sorry, Akashi, but things don't work that way. My patience has been commended a lot in the past, but I'm fully capable of running out of it. Don't push your luck."

Akashi glares at him half-heartedly. Kagami's voice resounds from somewhere outside the cabin.

"Comm's set up! Secure and untraceable line has been established, and a connection has been made."

Aomine tosses something else in Akashi's direction. It's a radio piece, and he's excessively grateful that it didn't hit his head this time. He retrieves it and sits up, looking at Aomine with a raised eyebrow. He gestures vaguely.

"That oughta be Daddy Dearest now. Better make it quick before we lose the line."

Akashi looks at it warily before putting it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Seijuro."

His eyebrows shoot up. It really is his father.

"F-father, I...regarding the loss of the disc, I know it was important but I couldn't-"

"There is no need to worry about it. What's done is done. As far as I am concerned, that disc no longer exists."

"I'm...afraid I don't understand."

"Well, given the situation, I suppose there's no reason to lie to you." Akashi hears rustling on the other side of the line. "Try to keep this to yourself. The corporation has been facing an uphill battle recently, and in order to combat a negative business incline, we were convinced to aid in the development of nuclear weapons for a certain...war-torn country. That disc contained the plans."

Akashi sucks in a sharp breath.

"It has truly been a thorn in my side from day one. Nukes in this day and age? Too much. In any case, eventually I will be in a position to do something about this. But in the meantime, this can not go public, Seijuro. Think of the potential losses. Nobody would do business with us if this came out. For the sake of our 50,000 employees, you must disappear into the sea. I will promote you to assistant manager, and I will also request that the president and other board members attend your funeral." A chair squeaks in the background. "The soldiers I have hired should arrive shortly. Goodbye, Seijuro."

The line goes dead.

~~

"...listen, I know that was a lot to take in...and the ransom is a no-go, so we won't get any bonuses...but is all that really enough to make you puke?"

A choked gag is the response Kuroko gets. Akashi huffs and pushes himself up from leaning over the deck's railing. He wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Just...leave me alone for now..."

Kuroko looks at him with pursed lips. He's about to speak when he hears his earpiece spring to life. Kagami's voice sounds in his ear.

"Kuroko, you up there?"

"Yes. Something wrong?"

"I'm pickin' something up on the radar. It's coming in fast-way too fast to be a boat. It's at three hours five minutes, can you see anything up there?"

Kuroko closes one of his eyes and uses his hand as a sun shield. He stares into the sky for a while, and his eyes narrow when he spots a black blur in the distance, warped by the humidity. It dips downward near sea level, and he curses to himself. "Gunship, minimum altitude!"

Both Akashi and Kuroko have to hold on to the railing this time as the helicopter passes above them with enough force to push them across the deck. Kuroko grits his teeth and stares at the aircraft in ire.

Aomine's voice comes through the intercom next. "An attack helicopter? Fuckin' really? God damn it, I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit. At least I've got a visual..."

"Language, Aomine."

Akashi looks up at the helicopter hovering close overhead with wide eyes. "So that's...how they want to kill me?"

"Heads up."

Kuroko's voice brings him out of his disbelief and he reels back slightly as something is thrown into his arms. _Why do people keep throwing things at me?!_ He looks down and finds an assault rifle resting comfortably against his chest. He holds it out at arm level with a squawk.

"Wh-what the hell is this! Don't give me this, I'm not going to use it!"

"I don't expect you to." Kuroko loads a cartridge into his much bigger weapon. "Think of it as a comfort item, like a baby blanket."

Kagami's voice worries through the line. "He's coming, hurry it up or he'll bite us in the ass!"

"Shit, not good, not good..." Aomine mutters.

The sound of gunfire resounds through the area as white-hot fire forms at the helicopter's ports. He realizes then that they're firing at them, and he takes cover under the closest thing he can find, not bothering to look at what exactly it is. He can hear the heavy bullets hitting the water and the deck all at once.

"I'm fairly certain I know it's not good, Aomine. You don't have to tell me."

Kuroko loads the gun into a stand near the front of the boat, and turns it up toward the helicopter to fire off shots of his own. 

"Hit it! Shoot it down!"

"I'd like to see you do better!" Kuroko briefly addresses Akashi. "By the way, that's a torpedo. I would get out from under there if I were you."

Akashi screams-something he will vehemently deny doing later on-and scurries out from under the now-identifiable object he'd taken cover under. He takes a good, long look at the situation, with the helicopter above still firing their direction and Kuroko firing right back, and makes a decision.

He runs to the end of the boat and starts climbing the railing with the full intent of jumping into the water. He can hear Kuroko's loud groan before he feels himself being yanked backward by his belt. Kuroko pins him to the deck with a glare.

"You idiot! You'll die if you do that!"

"Well I'll die if I stay up here, too! I don't want to get shot, Kuroko!"

"That's the coward's way out!"

"God, _why the hell do I have to suffer like this_?!"

The helicopter fires one last set of bullets, all of which putting holes into the deck, before it reels back and ceases fire. It continues to follow the boat's path, as if lying in wait for the right opportunity to strike. Kuroko registers the sound of Aomine and Kagami arguing, but he's too focused on Akashi to give them any attention. Akashi punches the deck and pushes himself up, Kuroko stumbling to regain his balance.

"Everyone thinks they can boss me around, every last one of you! I'm sick and tired of being the puppet! Just once in my god damn life _I want to be in control_!" He picks up the gun Kuroko had thrown at him. "Will someone just fucking tell me why I have to _suffer like this_?!" 

Akashi reels his arm back as far as it will go and throws the rifle in the direction of the helicopter, still hovering nearby. He braces himself on the railing as he huffs from the exertion of his outburst, and Kuroko stares at him with unreadable eyes.

"Akashi..." Kuroko sighs. "...that was expensive, you know."

_I hate it here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the dicketry from the first chapter will resume shortly, until then enjoy akashi being a sheltered rich kid unlocking his rebellious phase


	3. maybe dying isnt a bad thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're having a two for one special on chapter updates this evening

"If you think about it, this is actually the perfect way to die. You know how they say 'in a blaze of glory?' That's pretty spot-on given the situation. I mean, we're about to be blown up by an attack helicopter! How cool is that?"

"Kagami, you're not helping."

"Hey, I'm just saying. This is like, the ideal way to die. I don't even mind. Think about the eulogies! 'Kagami Taiga was exploded by a helicopter in the south China sea'. It's got a nice ring, right? Way better than 'Aomine Daiki is almost beaten to death by a drunk homeless man in an obscure town in Taiwan'."

"I thought we agreed what happens in Taiwan stays in Taiwan."

The four of them are gathered in the main cabin. Aomine at the driver's seat with Kuroko standing behind him, Kagami sitting in the far corner, and Akashi slouched up front. There's an air of resignation about them.

They'd made an attempt to flee when the helicopter stopped, but Aomine accidentally steered them into a river. They passed a sunken ship on their way through, and made jokes about seeing themselves from the future upon spotting it. But when they found themselves at the end of the line with no exit in sight, suddenly it was less of a joke and more of a statement. The helicopter still hovered overhead.

"What kind of flowers do you want on your coffin? Personally I'd like some poppies. Just 'cause you can make drugs out of those."

"That's stupid. I don't want flowers on mine, I want my collection of ultra-rare Mai-chan magazines. It's more meaningful that way."

"What about you, Kuroko?"

"Lilies. They symbolize innocence. I'd like it to be as uncharacteristic of me as possible, that way people think I led a double or even triple life."

"...wicked. Think some of that mystery would carry over to me?"

"Maybe, but I would be the centerpiece."

Akashi's head hangs low as he listens to their conversation, his cheek stinging. He all but harassed Kagami to find some way out of this situation, and in turn Aomine had punched him in the face and told him to settle down. He'd never put much thought into dying before, but now that he's staring it straight in the face, he's not sure what he should do. In truth, he thought he would be more frantic. Instead, he's at most inconvenienced. He lets out a small laugh.

"I can't believe that thing has homing missiles. Who made that thing? It's way too overpowered."

"Wouldn't it be funny if it was your company that made it?"

"It isn't really my company anymore, but that would be pretty funny."

Aomine barks out a laugh. "Ah, man. If nothing else, I just wish we had been able to use those torpedoes. They're so badass."

"All they did was weigh us down, dipshit. Sure they look cool but they're a liability. Never know when one of 'em will explode."

"Same goes for us. Except we all know we're going to explode soon."

"Thanks for reminding us."

"Anytime."

Akashi freezes.

"Hey, where do you think they'll put our headstones? Or will we get one of those cool memorial things?"

"If we die at sea, we won't get headstones. We'll get names on a list."

"Oh. That's depressing. If I don't have a headstone where will all my fangirls mourn their loss?"

"Aomine, you don't have fangirls. You have restraining orders."

"Below the belt, Tetsu."

Akashi stands. "Hold on."

All three of them turn their attention to him. The look on his face makes Kuroko raise an eyebrow. His expression is calm and collected, but there's a fire burning behind his eyes. It's hard to believe he had a meltdown just a little while ago. 

_I wish I could recover from mental breakdowns that fast._

"This guy...has a lot of pride. There's no doubt about it. He's sticking around up there knowing full well he's got the advantage. Chances are, he's down for just about anything. Which brings me to this...you said that thing had homing missiles, right?"

Aomine raises an eyebrow. "Yeah. They're a pain in the ass. What about 'em?"

"And...those torpedoes are fully operational."

"Should be."

Kuroko blinks when a grin cuts across Akashi's face. He looks...predatory.

"I have an idea."

The three of them listen closely to Akashi's plan. By the end of his proposition, they're all wearing the same look of incredulity. What he's suggesting is so outlandish that if it weren't for the completely serious stance he had, Aomine would've punched him again for mocking them. Instead, he leans back in his seat, resting his arms on the radar.

"That...might be the most fucked up thing I've ever heard."

Kagami looks at Akashi consideringly. "In theory it could work. The boat _was_ designed to hydroplane. It has a really low success rate, obviously, but if we pull this off then we might actually survive. And even if it kills us it's a hell of a lot more satisfying than sitting here waiting for the enemy to shoot us."

Akashi nods along in agreement. "Yes. We basically have nothing to lose, so any action is better than none at all."

"That's what Aomine's last girlfriend said."

"God damn it Tetsu you asshole."

Kuroko smiles at Akashi. "I'm willing to go with it. It sounds like fun."

"Me too." Kagami shrugs. "It'll be like a really messed up roller coaster."

Akashi looks at Aomine expectantly. Aomine glares at him for a minute or so before a smirk crosses his features. 

"Sure. Why the hell not."

~~

Kuroko and Akashi head up to the deck after Kagami sets up their headsets again. Aomine takes a deep breath and takes a hold of the steering. He leans in to the mic on his side.

"Tell me when you're good."

Kuroko locks his rifle into the amplifier he used to shoot at the helicopter earlier. Akashi stands by his side with a flare gun. They give each other a quick nod, and Kuroko reloads the ammo. "We're good."

"Alright. Shrimpy knows what to do, right?"

"Fire the flare away from the boat if he shoots missiles at us."

"Perfect. Alright, Tetsu, you're up. We're here to play a game of chicken-send 'em an invitation, will ya?"

Kuroko charges the ammo and shoots at the helicopter. The bullets ricochet off the sides, unsurprisingly, and the glass is unharmed. Akashi's grip on the flare gun tightens and his jaw clenches. He's only got one shot, otherwise...

The copter's nose dips, and Akashi readies his arm. Just as he thought, they speed forward and fire their missiles without hesitation. Kuroko gives him the go-ahead, and he shoots a flare into the sky right as the missiles come into full view. He sees the missiles redirect their paths toward the flare, and with an immense amount of satisfaction, watches the both of them explode in the air, far away from the ship. He can hear Aomine shouting through Kuroko's comm, and he winces in sympathy.

"Full speed, Aomine, it actually worked," Kuroko breathes. He drops his hold on the rifle and hurries into the cabin, followed by Akashi.

Aomine pushes the boat to its absolute limit, speeding fast enough that the back only dips into the water about an inch. "Kagami! We on the right course?"

"Trail's been marked, we're all set, but you better hang on!"

The wrecked ship comes into view, and Akashi confirms they're on the right path. The ship's hull curves upward like a skate ramp, broken by the rocks and trees surrounding the river. It's a good thing that it looks the part, because that's exactly what it'll be used as.

The speeding boat easily slides up the ramp of the shipwreck, lifting off into the air. Aomine's eyes are narrowed and his teeth clench. He waits until they're eye-level with the fast-approaching copter, and yanks the unused lever to the left of the steering. The torpedoes in front spring to life, scurrying out of their ports with a hiss. The first one is at the wrong angle to reach its target and falls to the water, but the second one hits its target dead on. The front window of the copter collapses as the torpedo enters, effectively crushing the copter and all its occupants. 

The boat crashes back into the water, and Aomine is lurched forward enough that his head breaks the cabin's windshield. Glass shards and empty beer cans fly about the room like petals fluttering in the breeze, and the mangled helicopter spirals downward, exploding upon hitting the ground with a deafening crunch.

Just before everything goes black, Kuroko swears he hears a very passionate "get fucked" from none other than their resident hostage, Akashi.

~~

Aomine groans. He pushes himself off the steering with a hand on his head. 

"Fuck, that hurt...but it feels like my head's still on...kinda. And my sunglasses aren't broken...you guys good back there?"

Kuroko is folded in half against the wall, bottom-up and looking more than a little exasperated. "We made it this time, but we are never doing anything like that ever again."

Aomine allows himself a laugh at Kuroko's expense. "How about you, idiot Kagami?"

"Alive, somehow," Kagami groans. "But all my stuff got fucked up in the fall. Ugh, god, I'm gonna have to set this stuff up all over again, god fucking..."

"Wait, what about shrimpy?"

Kuroko stands and rubs his neck with a wince. "He's passed out to your left. He was screaming something bad just before we landed. He sounded a bit like you when you first started out. He looks pretty peaceful now."

Akashi is, as Kuroko said, passed out. He's atop a crate, bent over it as though hugging it. One of Aomine's posters fell on his back at some point during the chaos, and it looks a bit like an extremely inappropriate and horribly inadequate mockery of a blanket. Aomine laughs when he notices the smile plastered on his face, no doubt the last expression he'd worn before being rendered unconscious. He and Kuroko share a look.

Maybe there's room for him on board after all.

~~

Akashi regains consciousness a short while later. He's laid on the ground, with a cold cloth over his eyes. Gingerly, he lifts the cloth up just enough to look to his side. The sky is bright blue, not a cloud in sight. He sees Aomine, steering the boat like always, with Kuroko leaning against a wall right next to him. Their backs are turned to him, but he gets the feeling they know he's awake. He does not make a move to stand. Instead, he allows himself to just take in the scene before him.

_Just who are these people?_

~~

"Job well done, just like usual. Good work!"

A blonde woman with a military trench coat draped around her shoulders holds out a small, well-manicured hand. Aomine drops the disc they'd stolen from Akashi into her waiting palm. She takes it gracefully. She turns her gaze to the other three gathered around him.

"You know, Daiki, I always admire hard work, but..." her eyes glitter with amusement. "You're all looking a bit worse for wear."

None of them had bothered to straighten out their appearances before docking. As a result, they all stood before the militant woman with disheveled clothes, mussed hair, and bruised skin. Kuroko is the only one among them who doesn't look at all bothered.

Aomine grumbles. "'S not like we're going to a fancy dinner party..."

The woman smiles. "No, I suppose not." She turns to address the well-dressed man on her right. "Now then. You are high up in the ranks of Mr. Akashi's business, yes? Well, where I come from, we have a coat of honor."

"Oh?"

The militant woman walks toward him, her heels clicking. "As you can see, we have held up our end of the bargain. Here is your disc. I assume there will be no hard feelings?"

The man takes the disc with far less grace than she had. "Of course not. Plenty of things can't be helped. I will inform Mr. Akashi that our information has been returned to us."

"Good. Now, it is your turn to hold up your end of the bargain. We'll discuss later at the designated hotel."

"Very well. We will talk later. Now, come along, Seijuro. We're leaving."

Akashi stiffens. Aomine, Kagami, and Kuroko all look at him. Their faces are blank, but he knows their heads must be brimming with thoughts. Slowly, he steps forward. But, to their surprise, he stops after only a couple of steps.

"I...am not going back." Akashi reaches up and pulls off his tie, letting it drop to the concrete below. "I'm not sure if my father told you, but...I'm already dead. Simple as that. There's nothing holding me to that place any more. You will return by yourself."

The man looks wary, even a bit confused. But his eyes are resigned, and he nods solemnly. "I see. Then...goodbye, Seijuro."

His chauffeur shuts his door and climbs into the driver's seat. The car starts, and they pull away, disappearing into the distance. Akashi is surprised to find that once he can no longer see them, the weight on his chest is gone. He feels...light...and free. With them gone, so is his status of acting as his father's puppet. He allows himself an atypical giddy grin. Another car pulls up to his side, and he sees the military woman leaning out the window with a smile.

"Well, Akashi Seijuro, I think I owe you an apology for making you talk to those dummies. I promise it won't happen again. Though, I suppose it was for the best. It'd be a waste if someone with such a good head was kept under wraps." Her smile widens. "My name is Alexandra Garcia. I'd like for you to look us up if you ever need help, alright?"

Akashi nods, and Alexandra waves at him. Just by looking at her, he can tell that while she acts as a diplomat for professional reasons, she's likely got quite the sparkling personality in her off time. Their car leaves as well, leaving just the four of them on the dock together. Kuroko coughs, and Akashi turns around.

"What will you do now?"

"Well..." Akashi shrugs. "I guess I'm not a hostage anymore. And I've got nowhere to go."

Kuroko smiles, looking out over the ocean. "You know...I've heard of this crew that might be looking for a good sailor. Think you'd be interested in something like that?" He looks up at the sky. "They're a delivery company. Sometimes what they do is against the rules, but...it's what it takes to put food on the table."

Akashi grins. "...sounds good to me."

Aomine and Kagami both grin, and Kuroko looks at him with that soft smile of his. The sea breeze blows through the dock, and the call of seagulls sounds across the expanse of the ocean. A soft spray of saltwater from the high tide hits Akashi's face, and he can't help but feel at peace.

 _A week ago, I would've never thought I'd be tagging along with a group of criminal vagabonds...yet here I am._ He laughs to himself. _Life is surely very strange._

"So!" Kagami claps. "Where are we going to eat, huh? We just got paid, we can go anywhere we damn well please!"

"Maybe we should fix our faces before we do that," Kuroko suggests with a frown.

"Pfft. Nobody cares about that around here. We're not going to a five star restaurant, who cares about a little bit of dirt and ash?"

"I do, because I have to sit with it."

"You don't complain when we're on the boat!"

"Yes I do, you just ignore me."

"Yeah, cause it hurts my feelings."

Akashi laughs out loud this time. He shakes his head fondly.

_This new life is already much better than my old one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will akashi finally catch a break from the short jokes now that hes part of the crew?
> 
> probably not


End file.
